Struggles

Well, again I have to crawl back here and try to figure out why it is so long between posts. It's easy to say I am too busy, or maybe I lack inspiration and don't know what to type about. Both are not outright lies, but they are not the whole truth.

Sometimes I guess I am afraid of what I might say. I'm afraid of what these fingers will produce in the form of ideas and controversy.

So today here I am considering my place in the Church, and my place in the church. While I am not sure of the former, I am at least confident. But I am very shaky in the latter. Can I let the Praise Team go without a guitar player? Is it God's will, or mine? Are the problems I see in my church real to God, or are they just pet peeves on my part? There are plenty of pat Christian answers to the question "How do I know God's will?" Everyone seems to be so sure of themselves, which is disturbing enough. But when they are so sure of God's will in my life, then I have to say I am ready to turn and run.

What is the church? Can you participate in the church when you are not on board with the pastor? In my church, plenty of people are headed in the right direction, and could use help and encouragement to get where they are going. Can I continue along that road as a helper and worker without allowing myself to be drawn further down and away from Jesus by the pastor? Can anyone be expected to do that? I just don't know. I know it doesn't not feel right to be on the platform every week as a worship leader and know in my heart that the church leadership is out of touch with reality. Often it is hard to convince myself that Jesus is the first thing on their minds when approaching a new challenge or problem. It seems that it is more about people and politics, personalities and money, ego and self promotion. Ouch. The truth hurts, but that is another post.

I guess I have some serious thinking and praying to do. Mostly I know it is an uphill battle. Many thanks to you for listening.

Shalom.

- Dave